


The Thing You Know.

by andyouknowitis



Series: It's a beautiful sound, It's a beautiful noise. [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Birthday fluff I guess?, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 21:45:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14411178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyouknowitis/pseuds/andyouknowitis
Summary: He's reminded of that morning, the one after they got back together.In some ways it already feels like the time before belongs to another lifetime. Even though he knows it is actually different parts of the same one: life before Aaron, life without Aaron, and the life he lives now.There are a lot of things Robert Sugden (Dingle) doesn't know.





	The Thing You Know.

He's reminded of that morning, the one after they got back together.

In some ways it already feels like the time before belongs to another lifetime. Even though he knows it is actually different parts of the same one: life before Aaron, life without Aaron, and the life he lives now.

There are a lot of things Robert Sugden (Dingle) doesn't know.

He doesn't know when he'll next get a proper night's sleep again. Seb might be mercifully sleeping through (for this week at least), but the worry lingers that Liv isn't. Aaron fights his need to rest, and Robert fights his urge to fuss over him, and they both end up bickering over nothing before bed more often than not, later drifting into fitful dozes in each other's arms, which is where they always end up. Sex isn't a priority right now, so much as comfort, and sometimes it's the same thing. He loves sex, they both do, and fuck knows they burnt themselves out a little in that first week or two (little sleep then either), when they both felt a bit clingy with the need for contact, familiar and yet again, so new, this wonder in each other. He's found that recently it's different again for them. Sure they've used sex to de-stress in the past; half of their best times came on the back of something super fucking stressful, which lead to them heated up against each other, letting it take them over. Just as many times they've clung to each other, love whispered and made, wringing out the closeness it brings. Always so much and a more that strives to be enough.

But lately all he wants is to keep Aaron in balance in all the ways he can. The exercise in celibacy when they were apart taught him some things, and he puts them to use now, easing his husband into sleep with quick hands and slow blowjobs in a way that soothes them both when they most need it. He's learned how to wait, in a way he never used to before. Never needed to. Aaron always wants to reciprocate, but for the most part Robert works him over so thoroughly that he's left in a sleepy haze, sleeping, finally sleeping, before Robert allows himself that moment against Aaron's chest, eyes closed to the world and all it asks of them, before he's blinking awake to the morning feed, and Gerry using up all the milk.

He doesn't know when their finances will start making any kind of fucking sense again. Aside from how much babies cost (not that he begrudges a penny of it, he'll admit to going overboard on the nursery to begin with), he's been trying to be more circumspect recently, it's actually Aaron who's the worst of the two of them, coming home with little pairs of _trainers that he'll outgrow in five minutes, Aaron honestly_ , he just hates the uncertainty, and the lack of power that comes with it. Not because he needs it, but because he's frustrated at not being able to ease the way when they need it most. Money is only as useful as what you can do with it. And right now he'd give his last penny to get Liv home with them again. He pretty much had done, trying.

He pushes away the feeling of ineptitude that he can't do more. He's Robert fucking Sugden. He should be able to do more. Part of him punishes himself a little for every single night she has to spend there, just like he did when Aaron was inside. All his old insecurities have been thrown up, the ones that whisper that he's nothing without a way to pay for it. There is no scheme, or long con, or quick fix that can help them now. He can't make up the difference with the haulage business like he had planned, and while he still has some assets tied up in various things, it doesn't help with the cash flow problem they have at the moment. He feels a little guilty that the scrapyard (which had been looking healthy enough before all this, even with Adam leaving), is taking a hit in keeping them afloat week to week, even though he knows Aaron feels as he does that their money (like their problems) is something they share now. Aaron has his own guilty feelings around the kidnapping and the money too, and all too often he feels like they both want to argue over who's more to blame for their current predicament, even when they know that they couldn't have foreseen the half of it. Aaron likes to tease him sometimes, in a way that mostly boils down to _we'll ignore the money that you burnt that one time, shall we?_

Some days he regrets being so reckless with the outlay on the house and going practically top end on everything, but he'd needed their home to be the best he could make it. A haven for them all. Yeah, okay maybe they didn't exactly need all the things they'd ended up with (he holds up a guilty hand to splurging on fancy pasta makers and virtual reality gaming stuff), some of which weren't exactly necessities, but he can't be too sorry for any of it. The moments of joy and silly laughter those things have brought to the people using them is something he can't ever put a price on. The Mill is made up of more than the things inside it, something he thinks that wanker Joe Tate will never understand.

He doesn't know how the Dingles will stitch themselves back together after everything that's happened, any more than he knows if this new baby of Chas and Paddy's will be the making of them (as excited as Aaron is at the prospect of another sibling), he doesn't know if Rebecca will ever get better, or if he'll ever be able to tell Victoria the truth about Adam. He doesn't know when, or even if, they'll be able to afford that trip to see Annie now that things have gotten tight. He doesn't know.

So many things, all of them unknown.

What he does know is stirring beside him now.

*

Aaron's voice is still laced with sleep, rumbled tones against Robert's back, where he's curled around him. “Mmmm. Shift over will ya?”

Robert tried to sound affronted but couldn't quite make it stick, the grin in his own voice apparent, even as he pushed back against Aaron in response. “Like that is it? No, 'Good morning, husband?' Or 'Happy birthday love of my life', and all that?”

Aaron just tapped his thigh smartly. “Move.”

Robert complied, but only so he could see Aaron's face, which true to form was caught in a soft smirk. Robert tried for one of his own, although his eyes always betrayed him, lovesick as they were. “Taking up too much of your side am I, Dingle?

Said Dingle just shook his head and positioned Robert closer to the middle of their bed, a pillow half pulled over to rest beneath his too tense neck. “That's Sugden to you.” He shifted further down the bed throwing their duvet to the ground as he went, and gave another tap on the front of Robert's left thigh. “Up.”

Robert made a mental note to himself to drag their summer weight bedding out of the messy cupboard, it had been a little hotter than usual this week and they'd even slept on top of the thing for a couple of nights there. Best change them over soon. He'd done all Seb's laundry, bedding and all, last night as he was staying over with Vic and Bex, and Robert felt he had to take any chance he could get to air the cot mattress out, now and then.

He blinked as Aaron snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Oi. Earth to Robert. Losing my touch, am I? That or I'm just that good.” A little eye roll. “Must be if you're spaced out before I've even started.” Another smirk before he pressed a messy kiss to his spouse's stomach.

Robert blinked again, his brain catching up even as his smile did. “Oh?”

Another kiss on his hipbone then, words murmured against his skin. “If you're lucky, mate.”

His laugh sparked the air as Aaron drew down his boxers to his knees.

_Like that then._

*

Some day he'll examine exactly why the combination of Aaron looking at him with the bounce of his cock in his mouth, eyes hazy, but lips focused, with the weight of his forearm lying across Robert's belly where he could feel each shift in his husband's body, all mixed in with that subtle tension of the waistband stretching against his knees, always made him come so hard in just that way that made him forget absolutely everything for a few minutes, (or how Aaron somehow always knew when that was just what he needed), but right now he felt too blissed out to do more than drift a while, his fingers playing back and forth through Aaron's hair.

“Beside drawer. My side.” Aaron's face was pressed against his thigh so the words came out as more of a garble, but he repeated them at Robert's murmur of _hmmm_ , crawling up and pressing a kiss to his chin, before pulling a plastic bag out of the drawer in question and shoving it in Robert's direction. “Here.”

“You didn-”

Aaron shushed him with a wave of his hand. “I know you said you just wanted a beer and pizza duvet day, just us two, and we're gonna do that.” He grinned. “Gerry's taking Tip on a very long walk. Although I'm still not doing _Prison Break_ again, so you can forget that right now, but I wanted you to have something else today.”

Robert shifted up until he'd made a decent attempt at leaning against the headboard, the bag now in his hands as Aaron pressed it into his palms with a curl of his fingers. “Aaron we sa-”

Aaron rolled over onto his stomach, head dropping onto the mattress with a groan. “Shut up a minute.” He looked up again, eyes bright and blue. “It didn't cost me nowt, or as good as because Cain knows someone up in Hotten who did it for a favour he owed, and I had it already, so.” Aaron scratched the back of his neck, a blush creeping up. “Doesn't cost that much anyway but he caught me looking up places on my phone in the pub.” He shook his head in exasperation. “Anyway. Look at it, will ya please? I didn't wrap it because it's not new but..”

Robert's still stuck on the fact that Aaron Dingle (Sugden), Mr 'we don't have a song' himself, had voluntarily allowed Cain (Cain Dingle!) to help him with _anything_ at all to do with their relationship. If he made it through the day without some dig from Cain via text about 'what he'd done with their Aaron' he'd be surprised, but he kept that thought to himself. Aaron was looking embarrassed enough already. He opened the bag with a crinkle of plastic (he was always trying to get Aaron to use the canvas bags he had in the back of the car when they did a shop, but that was a battle for another day) and looked at the box inside. His brow furrowed. “Is that?..”

Aaron coughed. “Yeah. It is. I found it down the back of the sofa when...after.” He gestured idly with his hand. “Anyhow, I put it away for bit. Didn't want to look at it.” Another cough then. “And then I did.”

Robert could feel his throat threaten to close up. “Aaron I-”

“No you don't, or you'll start me an' all.” Aaron's face met the mattress again, voice muffled. ”Just open it before I do it myself.”

Robert didn't say a word. Just opened the box. And there it was.

His watch.

Robert lifted it out, thumb running across the familiar face. It looked good as new. “Did it need fixing or..?”

Another head shake before Aaron lifted his head. “No, it was fine. I just wanted to...” He gestured aimlessly. “Do that thing.”

Robert's eyebrows rose in query, before Aaron grabbed the watch from him. “Oh, give it here.” He flipped it over. “See? There.”

For a second he's distracted by Aaron's fingers (blunt ends, rough from work in a way that feels so good against his skin and elsewhere, even if he was still biting his nails a bit too much), but then his eyes landed on the words etched into the back of the watch.

_You know._

He feels like his breath comes out on a stutter, his mind forming the words before his tongue can untangle.

 _I know,_ he thinks, as automatically as those breaths that keep coming. _I know._

“I know.” Aaron says, and it's then Robert realises he's said his name and nothing else. Because there is no saying it better than all the ways they do already, even without saying the words out loud.

Robert ran his fingers over the engraving as Aaron inclined his head at the bag. “There's just one more thing. I wrapped that one. Sort of.”

Robert shook his head in disbelief. “You didn't have to get me anything else.” His fingers tightened around the watch in his hand as he looked back down at it. “This was...” He couldn't find a word that was a match for his emotions right now so settled on the one that was closest. “Plenty. There's still the council tax bill and-”

“Yeah, I know all that, _idiot._ ” Aaron says pointedly, turning Robert's oft used endearment against him. “But I wanted to.”

Robert settled the watch back into its box carefully and set it aside, before fishing his hand into the bag again and drawing out something bundled up in white tissue paper.

His eyes flicked to Aaron's and somehow he knew what it was even before pulling the paper open and staring at the familiar colours. Something he'd put firmly in the 'Luxuries' column of his spreadsheet (yes, fuck off, he had a spreadsheet) weeks ago, because it was an unnecessary expense and he was doing just fine without it. He could buy a month's worth of nappies with the price of this, or two or three chicken roasts with all the trimmings, or even another hoodie to replace Aaron's favourite one that Gerry had gotten oil on. A lot of things.

Aaron tapped his cheek lightly from where he'd shifted up onto his knees. “Stop that right now.”

Robert shook his head. “Yeah, but I don't nee-”

“No, maybe you don't. But I do.” Aaron aimed his thumb towards his own chest. “Me. I do. I need to wash your back sometimes and follow those suds across your freckles with my hands and mouth when I feel like it, because yeah, it does froth up better, you're right. I need to smell it on your pillowcase when you're already up and have Seb on his second outfit of the morning because I keep telling you he's not ready for those ducks at the pond and he gets too excited like I told ya, and I'm here just opening my eyes at fuck knows what time. I need it because even holding the bottle helped me when nothing else did when I was inside. So many times, Robert. I need it so I can fall asleep with that smell up my nose that's not like anyone else ever, that's just  _my_ Robert, because who the fuck else spends thirty quid on shower gel like that one?”

Robert opened his mouth to speak. Then shut it again.

Aaron huffed out a breath, looking at him in that way he does, eyes on a journey up and down his face, voice softer now. “Just let me be a selfish dickhead on my husband's birthday alright?”

Robert could feel it, actually feel the way his face rearranged itself into the smile that Liv frequently made puking noises at and called his 'Aaron did a thing like breathing smile'. Instead he just lets it settle, his hand reaching for Aaron's, fingers sliding into place in their home there. “That's me told, isn't it?”

Aaron was silent for a moment before he spoke again, thumb running back and forth across Robert's skin. “Yeah, well...”

Robert held up the shower gel with his other hand. “Wash my back, then?”

Aaron squeezed his hand and tugged him out of bed. Soon all that could be heard was bouts of laughter, heavily interspersed with several kisses, and if the words _poncy_ and _rip-off_ worked their way in there, which turned into a spate of the giggles that was one almost-slip away from Robert spending his thirty-second birthday on an emergency trip to the dentists after knocking his front teeth out, well there was no-one else around to hear them.

*

On that morning a few weeks ago Aaron had placed Robert's wedding ring back on his finger. After their shared shower the watch joins it, back where it belongs, words that are theirs warm against his skin, hidden away from anyone but them. But he knows, just as Aaron does, that they are there. That they always will be.

 _Now_ is the feeling he knows and the one he never thought to appreciate before life with Aaron. Before he always lived in where he could go next. Life was a series of calculations, one where he always had his eye on the next moment, never really on the one he was in.

So much has happened already since that day a few weeks ago, but the feeling is the same. Aaron's voice and eyes soft as his own, as he gave him back the key to his home and to their life together. The feeling that speaks of the voice inside his head that says _I know you can't believe it, but this is your Now._

He is your Now, and you are his.

Now is your always. That's the thing you know.

*

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in it's entirety today some time between finishing work and getting home, so if it's a mess I apologise. It was just..there in my head? So I emptied the words out and here we are.
> 
> I guess I just wanted a soft few hours for them where they could indulge in simple things. I like to think they dragged the duvet down to the couch after the shower and maybe half watched some Netflix for a while, and ate way too much pizza, and maybe a handjob or more happened under the covers. And they just laughed for while and cuddled a lot. Just soft things. Just them.


End file.
